whew! its been a while, my pretties! LOTS has happened, but nothing that i could talk about without whining, so i refrained from straining your pretty little ears with my trials.
recently though, i have encountered a new phenomenon that i just cant keep quiet about any longer. this is that thing where someone asks you if you are gay simply because you vehemently support LGBT rights. anyone else have this happen to them?? i doubt i am the only one.
in light of this, i decided to publish Taryn's Tips for Asking if Someone is Gay. this is just a helpful little guide based on my personal experiences.
1. another person's sexuality is THEIR business, NOT YOURS. if they choose to answer your questions, it is entirely up to them. remember that you are essentially asking them who they are sleeping with. is this a question you want to be asking?
2. if initial questioning doesnt get you the answer you were looking for, DONT ASK AGAIN LATER. repeated questioning isnt going to get you what you want and it will just make them mad. repeated questioning also makes you a bully. dont do that.
2a. YOU DO NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO AN ANSWER.
3. ask yourself WHY you are asking. if it is it because you are just curious, because you have suspicions, or because you simply want to know, THOSE ARE NOT VALID REASONS.
4. are you planning on doing this in the presence of other people, particularly your ultra-conservative spouse or the individual's parent? im gonna go out on a limb and say that this is probably not a good idea.
5. are you the individual's boss? if so, DONT ASK. period.
6. understand that an individual may not know whether or not they are gay. they also may not believe that they fit into the sexuality tertiary (homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual). SEXUALITY IS A SPECTRUM. if youre going to ask, youre not allowed to judge. be ready for an answer you didnt expect.
7. they do not hold the burden of explaining their sexuality to you. again, THEY DO NOT HOLD THE BURDEN OF EXPLAINING THEIR SEXUALITY TO YOU. if they choose to do so, it is your privilege to hear about the intimate, personal life of another. keep that in mind as you keep your mouth shut but your ears and heart open.
8. again i reprise statement #1. asking someone about their sexuality is a delicate business. as a general rule, just dont. its none of your business, and it shouldnt change how you feel about them in the first place.
9. are you a family member? this can create even more pressure on the individual to answer a particular way, and can make them EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE given various family situations. is that the environment in which you want them to reveal their sexuality to you? does that read "safe" to you?
10. relax. it's none of your business.
here's the skinny: if you have created an environment between the two of you that is not nuanced with bigotry and prejudice, the individual will/might come to you on their own or just drop the knowledge willy nilly. until then, sit tight and refrain from giving little tests to see how they react, try not to be an asshat, and for the sake of the universe just treat them with respect and the right to privacy.
the end.
